In this sketch column, Guardian writer John Crace lampoons John Healey's first major outing as chancellor, delivering a scathing verdict on his debut speech at a manufacturing centre in Coventry. Crace portrays Healey, previously seen as a principled defence secretary who once resigned over defence spending pledges, as strikingly hesitant and lacking authority now that he holds the Treasury brief, arriving without any clear economic vision of his own.

The piece notes Healey arrived 15 minutes late for the speech, appeared visibly nervous and at one point had to steady himself on the lectern, while colleagues including business secretary Jonathan Reynolds waited anxiously. His remarks came against a grim backdrop, with government borrowing costs at their highest since the financial crash and Jaguar Land Rover announcing 4,000 job cuts that same morning; Crace writes that Healey's message essentially echoed predecessor Rachel Reeves's, promising continuity on fiscal rules and manifesto pledges while sounding downbeat about the economic outlook inherited from the Conservatives.