The 2000 performance Javier Bardem hated at first sight: “I almost killed myself”

Javier Bardem has revealed that his breakthrough performance in Julian Schnabel's 2000 film Before Night Falls, in which he played exiled Cuban writer Reinaldo Arenas, left him despairing rather than proud when he first watched it. Despite widespread acclaim, including becoming the first Spanish actor nominated for a Best Actor Oscar, Bardem said he felt he had focused too much on making himself understood to an English-speaking audience rather than performing freely, admitting "I almost killed myself" upon seeing the finished film.

Bardem prepared for the role by consulting Lázaro Gómez Carriles, a close friend of Arenas who co-wrote the script and praised the actor's dedication to capturing his mannerisms. The film premiered at the Venice Film Festival in 2000, where Bardem won the Volpi Cup for Best Actor, and it went on to win prizes across the US, UK, Spain and Cuba, cementing his status as a major international star despite his own reservations about the performance.