Labour’s conference in Liverpool ended with a performance of “The Red Flag” and enthusiastic praise for Andy Burnham, whom deputy leader Lucy Powell compared to footballer Erling Haaland. Quentin Letts portrays the event as highly theatrical and sentimental, arguing that delegates’ hostility towards political opponents sat alongside a romantic celebration of Burnham.

The article also mocks the speeches and gestures of several senior Labour figures, including Shabana Mahmood, Lisa Nandy, Angela Eagle and Yvette Cooper. It notes Eagle’s mistake in misnaming a minister, Cooper’s announcement of a Maternity and Neo-Natal Commissioner, and repeated references to past Labour figures and policies; the piece presents these moments through Letts’s satirical commentary.