Best of the Babylon Bee: Heartbroken Eric Swalwell learns Chinese intelligence has been seeing other people

The article is a weekly selection of satirical one-liners and stories from The Babylon Bee, presented as a midweek diversion. Its headline jokes that Eric Swalwell is heartbroken to learn Chinese intelligence has been seeing other people, then claims he was spotted in Chinatown seeking another role as a Chinese Communist Party asset.

The other excerpts parody concerns about safety and liberty in Fort Worth, Donald Trump saying he will speak less cautiously, and Elon Musk warning leftists they would be kept on a tight leash. These are presented as jokes from a satire site, not as verified news reports.