Mel Robbins, a former waitress, said she was taught to give particular attention to women dining at a table because they may influence how generously a male partner tips. Hospitality and etiquette experts agreed that women can sometimes shape the payer’s view of service, but said ignoring other diners would amount to poor hospitality and could undermine the experience.

Experts said effective servers should read the whole table and make every guest feel valued, regardless of gender. A 2010 study involving 360 dining parties found that servers who complimented customers’ food choices received significantly higher tips, suggesting small interpersonal gestures can affect gratuities; etiquette guidance maintains that the person paying the bill ultimately decides the tip.