Prime Minister Anthony Albanese skipped the AFL grand final on Saturday, citing his early-morning return from the United Nations General Assembly in New York as the reason. However, a columnist suggests the real cause was Kylie Minogue's pre-game performance, following controversial comments Albanese made on a podcast in July in which he discussed wanting to "shag" her and made inappropriate gestures about melons given to him by Japan's Prime Minister. By avoiding the entire event, he prevented potential embarrassment that could have resulted from either enthusiastically applauding Kylie (which would have prompted replays of his remarks) or being visibly absent during her performance (appearing to snub her).

The article also criticises the Opposition Coalition's recently announced education reform plans, which include curriculum changes emphasising Western culture and stronger classroom discipline. The columnist questions the Coalition's credibility to critique education standards, noting that the Liberal and National parties held federal power for approximately 20 years across the 26 years preceding Labor's election, providing ample opportunity to shape Australia's education system.