Relationship expert challenges one of America’s biggest assumptions about divorce
A relationship therapist featured in the article is pushing back against the widely held assumption that divorce must be acrimonious, instead advocating for what she calls "compassionate divorce" — an approach designed to preserve healthy family dynamics even after a marriage ends. The expert argues that prioritising cooperation and empathy between separating spouses can significantly reduce the emotional damage typically associated with divorce, particularly for children caught in the middle.
The piece frames this shift within broader changes in how Americans approach marriage and separation, noting related trends such as more young Americans opting for prenuptial agreements before marriage. It highlights that prenups are increasingly common among engaged and married people under 45, including Gen Z and millennials, with women often initiating them, and notes that some law firms now handle up to 100 such agreements a year, reflecting a broader cultural move toward proactively managing relationship and financial risk.
- Therapist promotes "compassionate divorce" over traditional adversarial separations.
- Approach aims to protect children and family relationships post-divorce.
- Related trend: more under-45 Americans are signing prenuptial agreements.
Both sides, in good faith
The strongest fair case each way — we don't pick a winner.
The case for
Advocates of Arias's view argue that a marriage marked by chronic conflict, contempt or emotional withdrawal harms children more than a well-managed separation does, and that children's wellbeing hinges less on the parents' marital status than on the level of conflict they witness. They would say that reframing divorce as a considered, cooperative decision rather than a moral failure allows parents to model respect, emotional honesty and healthy conflict resolution, which can leave children more secure than growing up in a tense or loveless household held together for appearances.
The case against
Those who are more cautious about this framing would argue that decades of family research still show, on average, that children of divorce face higher risks of emotional, academic and behavioural difficulties compared with those raised in stable two-parent homes, even accounting for prior conflict. They would caution that popularising a reassuring narrative around divorce risks understating the real disruption, loyalty conflicts and loss of security many children experience, and that the priority should remain on genuinely exhausting efforts to repair a marriage before treating separation as simply another healthy family configuration.