In this comedic opinion piece, Guardian columnist Dave Schilling laments that major US retailers such as Target and CVS are already stocking Halloween costumes, decorations and sweets in August, weeks before Labour Day and months before the holiday itself. He argues this creeping commercialisation, combined with worsening summer heatwaves from the climate crisis, is eroding the traditional boundaries between seasons and holidays, leaving him disoriented and irritated despite genuinely liking Halloween.

Schilling recounts a shopping trip to Target where he found costumes, life-size skeletons, sweets, and even Halloween greeting cards on sale, and describes a friend buying a miniature cauldron from the store's expanding "spooky section." He jokes that the shrinking gap between Independence Day and Halloween could eventually see witches and vampires blending into Fourth of July celebrations, and suggests that as distinct seasons disappear due to climate change, people may end up celebrating whichever holiday they like, whenever they like, with items available to buy year-round online.