How to share tough feedback: 4 questions to ask before speaking up

A 2022 study found that fewer than 3 per cent of people told survey participants when they had food or lipstick on their faces, illustrating how reluctance to hurt feelings can keep people from sharing useful truths. Cornell professor Vanessa Bohns offers four questions to help decide whether to give difficult feedback and whether the benefit is worth the discomfort.

Consider whether the person would want to know if the roles were reversed, and whether you would still think the feedback should be given if someone else delivered it. Ask if the person is ready to hear advice, make feedback specific and offer a practical way forward. Both experts say to hold back when the person cannot act on the information or it would cause emotional harm without a useful purpose.